Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
