and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
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Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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