Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
