i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
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Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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