I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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