so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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