I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
