I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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