Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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