He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
