Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I could fuck to npr.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
