just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
