Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
