found the other keg... it's in the tree
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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