so explain again why im purple
no
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
