is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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