Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
