Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
