i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
