Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
