Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
