We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
