You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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