Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
