All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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