apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
