You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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