even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
