Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
