at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
