Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Randomize
