apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
