he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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