i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
