I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Life is so much better after having sex.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
