I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
