His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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