i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
