I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
