I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
