Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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