Your dad touched me again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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