I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
