Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
