sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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