And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
