i just google imaged poop.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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