I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
