he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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