I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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