Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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