dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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