Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize