I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
