New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
