Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
