His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
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the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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