Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
