so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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