Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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