Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sext me about skeletons
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
