i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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