She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
