Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
