There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
