walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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