remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
