No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
