I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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