3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I enjoy the company of your penis
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize