It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
