i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
