Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
