Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
