I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
